i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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