Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
