I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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