I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
