What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im holly from the hills drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
