You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
