i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
