So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
