A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
