i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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