I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
