There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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