I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this just has baby written all over it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
