Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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