Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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