Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
