Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
