Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
