ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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