I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.