believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
