his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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