Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize