Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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