I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Less talking, more tequila
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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