So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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