it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.