Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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