saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize