On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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