Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
