OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
