Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
