When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
