hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
