i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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