she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
