There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
