when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
