Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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