I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
