Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize