I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
