3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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