im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
