the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
