WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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