Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
