Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
