It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
