Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
