Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i barfeds in our rink
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
