Your tits are I can't wait for
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
