Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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