I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
