So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
