"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize