I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
