Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
