i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize