He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
