just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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