Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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