Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
