Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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