we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
