she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
