Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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