that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
