i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
