Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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