No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
