So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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