just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
