Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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