He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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